I have, obviously, been collecting the wrong stuff all my life. Apparently, I should have been investing in comic books and jewel-studded letter openers. Yup, Mr. Sheets actually found a device for tearing open envelopes–because the pointy part of a Bic pen just won’t do–that was worth $27,000. And that’s not 27,000 Maldivian Rufiyaa either. Or maybe it is. Anyone know the current exchange rate on Maldivian Rufiyaa? Frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass. I just like saying Maldivian Rufiyaa.
Letter opener? Chew toy? Or giant ear cleaner?
While I’m on the subject of Bic pen lids, I have always wondered why they have that really sharp, pointy, hanging-down thing (now that was a carefully composed sentence, wasn’t it?). I have chewed on one of these before and, while it does offer variety to one’s pen chewing experience, it can result in the painful puncturing of one’s palate ( I thought a bit of alliteration would make up for the previous awkward sentence). I have seen people clean their ears with it (hopefully, not before chewing it). Ack. And I have seen it used to launch elastics at the nerdy kid in math class. But no one seems to know what it’s really for.
It looks like it could be designed to keep your pen in your pocket. But who would trust a cheap, leak-prone, globby Bic pen in their suit pocket? I’d really like to hear from you on this topic.
Back to the value of collecting letter openers and comic books. I’ve always been a fan of comic books. Not the standard Marvel or DC superhero variety. Those were for the boys–or so I’ve been told. No, I was more of a Scamp, Pink Panther, or Baby Snoots kind of girl. And I still get annoyed with my mother for selling my comic collection at a yard sale. With my Mad Magazines. And my Rupert Bear Annuals. Somewhere out there someone is having a financially worry-free existence because they attended a garage sale “giveaway” on Elm Ridge.
These could have funded a Monacan holiday.
These could have kept me in pedicures and eyebrow waxing.
These would have paid for my NYC apartment.
These could have financed the movie that I could have produced based on my yet-to-be-published novel.
And this could have spared me a lifetime of paper cuts.
It turns out that Dan and Laura actually auctioned off a locker that contained a stolen Nicholas Cage comic book that was worth 2.7 million dollars. I’d have to work several lifetimes to buy that comic book. And that is sad. It is even sadder that someone successfully stole a 2.7 million dollar comic book and lost it for failing to pay their monthly locker fee. That is one dumb criminal.
And now I must turn the spotlight over to the topic of this blog–everyone’s favourite Storage Wars cast member, Barry Weiss. Although he may not have hit upon any million dollar treasures in his lockers yet, he has enjoyed the hunt more than anyone else. And even if, according to him, he is his own biggest rival. And, according to me, incredibly sexy.
So this experiment in social media continues. And still no word from Barry.
But here is the man of the hour on The Insider. Check it out.