To flub or not to flub? Barry Weiss hitches his sitcom star to the Great White North

I always knew there was something I liked about Barry–well, several things actually–but here is yet another to add to an ever-growing list.  He fits in well with Canadians.  And I am a Canadian.  He has already guest-starred on This Hour Has 22 Minutes twice.  Yup, TWICE.  He has been schooled on Canada’s most beloved–and insanely creepy–children’s television stars, “Casey and Finnegan.”  Mind you, he was rewarded with some liquid gold (aka Molson Canadian) for enduring that supposed honour.  (Notice the extra “u” in honour.  That’s how we roll up here.  Barry probably knows that).

Canadian children, myself included, were enthralled with this creepy little boy and his mute dog.

Canadian children, myself included, were enthralled with this creepy little boy and his mute dog.

Which probably led to our desire to consume this.

Which probably led to our desire to consume this.

He has even hung out with Canada’s most famous “recluse,” Santa Claus–paying thousands of dollars for Saint Nick’s stored belongings–including a reindeer-shaped skull with a bright red nose.

Another creepy Canadian.  Think about it.  He comes into your house while your sleeping and he has a thing for small children.

Yes, the world’s favourite (yes, we put a “u” in this word too) home invader is a Canuck.

Barry will be making his sitcom debut and it’s going to be on Dave Foley‘s new CTV show, Spun Out.  Yes, none of that CBC crap.  He is going to be on the self-sufficient station that brought us Corner Gaswithout the benefit of public funding (but that’s a whole other story).  Although, I’d be all for my taxes paying for more Barry Weiss-related television.  Who wouldn’t?

Weiss admits to having trouble getting used to a script and claims to have “flubbed” his lines at least 25 times.  But he got it done.  And I can hardly wait!

Here’s a shot of him without his trademark specs in Chatham, Ontario.

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And remember people–if you see this man hanging around this blog, contact me immediately.

Although he usually has a well-dressed body attached.

Although he usually has a well-dressed body attached.

If you want more, visit my latest post on The Embiggens Project…http://theembiggensproject.wordpress.com/2013/06/01/ill-have-my-toast-extra-black-please-with-a-side-order-of-scabs-and-get-that-spoon-out-of-my-ear/

Does Barry Weiss know why pen lids have pointy things on them?

I have, obviously, been collecting the wrong stuff all my life.  Apparently, I should have been investing in comic books and jewel-studded letter openers.  Yup, Mr. Sheets actually found a device for tearing open envelopes–because the pointy part of a Bic pen just won’t do–that was worth $27,000.  And that’s not 27,000 Maldivian Rufiyaa either.  Or maybe it is.  Anyone know the current exchange rate on Maldivian Rufiyaa?  Frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass.  I just like saying  Maldivian Rufiyaa.

Letter opener?  Chew tow?  Or giant ear cleaner?

Letter opener? Chew toy? Or giant ear cleaner?

While I’m on the subject of Bic pen lids, I have always wondered why they have that really sharp, pointy, hanging-down thing (now that was a carefully composed sentence, wasn’t it?).  I have chewed on one of these before and, while it does offer variety to one’s pen chewing experience, it can result in the painful puncturing of one’s palate ( I thought a bit of alliteration would make up for the previous awkward sentence).  I have seen people clean their ears with it (hopefully, not before chewing it).  Ack.  And I have seen it used to launch elastics at the nerdy kid in math class.  But no one seems to know what it’s really for.

It looks like it could be designed to keep your pen in your pocket.  But who would trust a cheap, leak-prone, globby Bic pen in their suit pocket?  I’d really like to hear from you on this topic.

Back to the value of collecting letter openers and comic books.  I’ve always been a fan of comic books.  Not the standard Marvel or DC superhero variety.  Those were for the boys–or so I’ve been told.  No, I was more of a Scamp, Pink Panther, or Baby Snoots kind of girl.  And I still get annoyed with my mother for selling my comic collection at a yard sale.  With my Mad Magazines.  And my Rupert Bear Annuals.  Somewhere out there someone is having a financially worry-free existence because they attended a garage sale “giveaway” on Elm Ridge.

These could have funded a Monacan holiday.

These could have kept me in pedicures and eyebrow waxing.

These would have paid for my NYC apartment.

These could have financed the movie that I could have produced based on my yet-to-be-published novel.

And this could have spared me a lifetime of paper cuts.

It turns out that Dan and Laura actually auctioned off a locker that contained a stolen Nicholas Cage comic book that was worth 2.7 million dollars.  I’d have to work several lifetimes to buy that comic book.  And that is sad.  It is even sadder that someone successfully stole a 2.7 million dollar comic book and lost it for failing to pay their monthly locker fee.  That is one dumb criminal.

And now I must turn the spotlight over to the topic of this blog–everyone’s favourite Storage Wars cast member, Barry Weiss.  Although he may not have hit upon any million dollar treasures in his lockers yet, he has enjoyed the hunt more than anyone else.  And even if, according to him, he is his own biggest rival.  And, according to me, incredibly sexy.

So this experiment in social media continues.  And still no word from Barry.

But here is the man of the hour on The Insider.  Check it out.

Barry on the Insider

Barry Weiss sports a blue mustache

I must admit that I am not a huge fan of mustaches–especially big furry “haven’t quite finished eating the squirrel” types.  I think this stems from my Obsessive Compulsive fear of accidentally ingesting someone else’s snot.  You are likely confused by that last statement.  Let me explain.

Everyone needs to blow their nose from time to time–and I can only assume that owning a mustache does not exempt you from this necessity.  And snot has a poor sense of direction.  It does not know that it is supposed to fly in the direction of the Kleenex.  We’ve all had to wipe a rogue booger off our lip, chin or–on one occasion, our forehead.  Don’t ask.  In my opinion, the mustache is the perfect hiding place for a renegade snot to dwell.  And I don’t want to kiss someone who has a nest of boogers residing directly above their lip.

But I must confess that Barry Weiss would be the exception to my mustache rule.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that he doesn’t have a hairy upper lip–but if he did, I would learn to cope with it.  And all the stray snot.

Thankfully, Barry appears to be sticking to the Sharpie-style ‘stache–in a lovely shade of royal blue.  If you’d like to see what Barry would look like with an upper lip of bushy blue, check this out…

Barry’s blue mustache

Barry Weiss loses arm up crocodile’s ass

As many of you know, I love puppets.  I have a few really strange ones in my possession including a giant snail, a police officer, and a hand with a tarantula attached to it.  I do not, however, have a crocodile.  Or an alligator.  I have no idea how to tell them apart.  Let’s just say I have no scaly green things with large teeth and a tale that can knock a buffalo off its feet.

It turns out that Barry Weiss does.  I’m not sure why.  And I definitely don’t know what a croc/gator has to do with a streetcar, a midget with a French mustache, a magician’s hat, and a knapsack full of what appears to be underwear.  But it sure makes for an interesting picture.

And let’s face it…Barry makes everything look stylish.  Even a giant reptile mitt.

 

 

 

Barry and his merry band of...um...misfits.  Yeah, that's it.  Misfits.

Barry and his merry band of…um…misfits. Yeah, that’s it. Misfits.