Barry Weiss’s Failed Attempt At Walking

I recently wrote a blog at  The Embiggens Project about a Kansas town called Spasticville.  As a complete and utter klutz, I was relieved to know that, finally, there was somewhere that I would fit in.  

I have fallen in a hole at Walmart and broken my arm; dropped an old-school metal typewriter on my foot and broken it (the foot, not the typewriter.  Nothing could break that thing); spilled boiling noodle water on my belly button; fried my arm and wondered what the funny burning smell was; fell off my high school stage and landed in the splits (doing some major ligament damage); and managed to become airborne after a Honda Accord collided with my butt.  I am spastic.

I am quite pleased, however, to discover that Barry Weiss is a fellow klutz.  Not only have stray storage locker items tried to render him unconscious, but, as the following video shows–sometimes walking and talking should never be attempted at the same time.

Perhaps, he and I can limp traipse off into the sunset and  suffer sunstroke live happily ever after in the unfortunate happy town of Spasticville, Kansas.

A Whole New Look for Barry Weiss

I think I may have discovered why no one has spotted Barry Weiss sneaking around this blog.  He has been operating incognito.  No, I am not referring to the “old man with bad teeth and a portable iron lung” disguise that he has donned on Storage Wars.  Nor am I referring to the Man From Glad-like Captain’s suit that he sported to navigate the Deco Liner.  I am actually suggesting that Barry has been lurking about at this site sans spectacles.  

Pictures of Mr. Weiss without his trademark specs are really hard to find–or as Barry would say, “like looking for a needle in a crapstack.”  But, alas, my hunt has paid off and I have finally found one:

Barry sans glasses

I found this gem at a Facebook page for the Barry Weiss Fan Club.  Apparently, the guy on the left enjoyed a night of drinking with The Collector and managed to get him to pose for this shot.  Between the rimless eyes and the ball cap, I barely recognized Mr. Weiss.  So, if you see anyone resembling this photo lurking around this blog, please notify me immediately.

Barry finds “A Needle in a Crapstack”

Okay, so I currently have a raging headache and my eye has fallen.  No, not out.  It is still firmly lodged in my eye socket.  My eyebrow, however, has relocated itself.  It is now currently lined up with the bottom of my other eye.  If Quasimodo had trouble with his eyebrows (maybe he did, but this imperfection was overshadowed by the hunchback), I imagine they would look like this.  I have managed to mystify every eye specialist I have encountered.  Thankfully, my eyebrow will have returned to its assigned place further up my forehead by morning.

Despite the war being waged in my cranium, I am determined to make some progress on my social media experiment extraordinaire.  Still no word from Barry Weiss, but my blog is slowly inching its way up the Google Search Results.  Things are looking up.  It is, surely, only a matter of time before Barry comes across this homage and declares that it is, without a doubt, the BEST Barry Weiss website ever.  My headache appears to be making me delusional.

Here’s a little gem in which The Collector teaches us an original catchphrase…

Barry Weiss talks about farts and burns some rubber

Day 8 and no one has spotted Barry Weiss at this blog yet.  Either my experiment is failing or he has been donning one of his favourite disguises.

He may be dressed like this:

Keep an eye out for anyone wearing a toque, several layers of uncoordinated clothing, and in need of dental work

Keep an eye out for anyone wearing a toque, several layers of uncoordinated clothing, or anyone appears to be desperately in need of dental work.

I wonder who Victor is.  And, how in the hell did he get his hands on an oxygen tank?  That is an oxygen tank, isn’t it?

Perhaps, Barry would like to reminisce about the time he burned rubber and almost asphyxiated himself.  

By the way, I have to thank Barry for introducing me to the Lotus Europa.  This is one cool car.  And, for also teaching me about the etiquette of flatulence.  According to the ever suave Mr. Weiss, it is okay to fart anytime after the third date–which makes me wonder what kind of gas-laden women he has been spending time with.

Another item to add to my Cars to See Bucket List

Another item to add to my Cars to See Bucket List

Barry Weiss–Gigolo Extraordinaire?

Holy crap!  I have officially been running this experiment for a whole week.  Yes, a New Year’s Resolution that stuck.  We won’t even discuss the ones that haven’t.  For one thing, we have way too much snow to jog in–which, by the way, is a sentence that only a Canadian could string together.  Athletes around the world complain of knee and/or foot trouble due to excessive pounding on pavement.  We suffer injuries related to running on ice.  Like broken necks.  Or we get hit by cars because our sidewalks are buried under three feet of white stuff and we have to run on the road.  Have you ever tried to run on snow?  It’s like quicksand.

Not that I know a lot about running.  It was just one of my failed resolutions for 2013.

I’ll stick with this resolution instead.  As long as the snow doesn’t take out my wireless, I’m good.

So what gold nugget can I use to draw Barry Weiss to my blog today?  How about this little gem from Anderson Live: 

Barry, trust me.  You can “escort” this girl any time.  But first, you have to find my blog.

Barry Weiss, a blind spot, and a trashy mannequin

It’s been 6 days and Barry still hasn’t been spotted hovering around this site.  But I am a persistent little mite and will continue to claw my way up the Google Search Engine.

Let’s face it–Barry has great hair.  My husband wishes that he had half the hair on his head that Mr. Weiss does.  And, it turns out that not all that long ago he sported a thick, long ponytail.  And it looked hot.

Here’s Barry’s appearance on the webshow with the Cowboy Cadillac, a kinky nurse’s outfit, and some intriguing socks.  Watch it and it’ll all make sense.

If you see this "person of interest" in close proximity to this blog, please notify me at once.

If you see this “person of interest” in close proximity to this blog, please notify me at once.

Young Barry

Holy crap!  It’s Day 5 of this experiment and I am still at it.  For me, this is huge.  I am, after all, a Collector in my own rights–a Collector of Unfinished Projects, that is.  Well, not this time.  It does not matter that my blog remains several thousand pages deep in a mass of Google results.  Patience is a virtue.  At least that’s what people who have patience say.  I think those people need a smack in the head.  With a bag of hammers.

Today, I will try to entice Barry Weiss to my blog appealing to his nostalgic.  Here is a circa 1980’s shot of Mr. Weiss.  Let’s face it.  He’s always been cool.  Even with a pair of shiny lapels.

Storage_Wars_Barry_Weiss